something that’s gonna honestly be the death of me is my inability to communicate
if I feel I’ve wronged someone, I don’t wanna say it. I want it worked out, but I don’t want to point at it and go ‘here’s what I did,’ not bc I wanna hide it, but bc they Know what I did. that’s how I know I’ve done something wrong, after all
so I want them to. idk. I don’t know what I want them to do. so it just looks like I’m upset bc someone pointed out I did something wrong, and I guess TECHNICALLY yeah but only bc I did something to make someone uncomfortable!! but then they feel like they need to console me and I feel like I want to die
I want to be scolded, and screamed at, and punished. like I’m only being allowed back bc the other person just thinks I’m too pathetic to be mad at anymore. but I also know I react badly to that, as one absolutely should, and I’d just freak and block the person
I want to be forgiven, but I can’t forgive myself no matter how slight the offense, and so id wallow in guilt
I guess I need my decisions made for me. am I forgiven and accepted back into the fold? do I come back? I need to be told to do so. but that’s not healthy either
but I don’t really know how to fix that, you know?
#vent